I feel like I have some seriously crazy ideas and thoughts, and generally I have to become quiet because most probably don't really understand. After reading some posts on the Biblical Families website (sometimes I just can't help it) some things started brewing in my mind. There was a specific post about divorce that caught my eye. People were arguing and throwing scriptures out to back what they were saying, and one guy said something about most people interpret the Bible to fit what they want it to. While this is true, I don't think it's always wrong. What is the point in having our own minds, if we do not use it?? I don't think that ANYONE can say that the Bible meant or didn't mean something because they are not the author. Does that make sense? I think that we are human beings and we all think differently and have different ideas, wants, needs, and beliefs, and I STILL don't understand why we persecute each other of it. If you want to be gay, be gay. If you want to have 10 cats and live alone, so be it. If you want to have tattoos all over your body, it isn't hurting me. Nothing anybody else does affects me, so long as you are not HURTING anyone. If you are beating your wife and children, yes it is affecting me. If you are forcing your wife into a poly marriage, yes that makes me outraged! I don't understand the need to judge, I really don't. Nothing seems to weird me out. I have been on a mission this year to really try to understand people and why they act the way they do. I can't look at a person and even fathom what they have been through, and I know people can't look at my and understand either. Last night I was at my uncle's house and his friend brought up my piercings and how I looked "mild" compared to his daughter. Was it really necessary for him to compare me? I won't have piercings forever, but I'm young and I want them, right now. They have no hidden meaning, they mean nothing really. Eventually I will take them out, and dye my hair brown and live like most others, but for now I am content looking just like I do, different. It doesn't make me weird, it doesn't make me evil or anything. I know some people look at me and see sadistic behavior, well whatever.
This brings me to another point. Religion. Lately I have been so dang confused on which path to follow, the LDS or the Christian. There are different things that I believe in, and so maybe I can't really say what I am right now. I believe that when you die, you meet your family in Heaven when they die. I believe that divorce is too looked down upon, and that it is like abortion. Abortion is a HORRIBLE TERRIBLE way of birth control, but when you have a druggie mother on welfare (i.e. my stepsister) who already has two kids that are not well taken care of, it can be necessary. I guess I have mixed feelings about abortion and divorce. I think abortion is murder. I think divorce is giving up. I think neither should be taken lightly, so that is something I still need to think about.
One fear I have been having lately is regarding pm. It just doesn't seem right that the first wife has this wedding and is legally bound, and noticed in the legal eye that they are married. Then a second wife comes along and they take vows, but can't have the same joyous wedding that the first wife had because of unsupportive parents, or whatever. I guess it bothers me, but in a different way it doesn't. Although I accept this lifestyle, I still have many fears. That is just something that has been lingering in my mind, along with the "what ifs" of it all. Somebody said that they were afraid to have kids with another wife because she might change her mind and take the kids with her. That freaks me out too! Not that I would leave, but that someone would hold back on me in any aspect out of fear. In my opinion kids should not come for awhile anyway, but geeze I don't know.
I guess I'm just rambling on, half of this stuff probably doesn't even make sense, but good thing it's MY blog!!!
Love, Tara
7 comments:
Tara, I can hear your voice as you write. I like the free thought. Yes, it is a good thing that it is YOUR blog. I see why you and Nikki get along so well. It is encouraging to see young ladies following their heart and searching for truth. God will aid you in your search. Read the Bible for yourself and He will give you understanding. Enjoy the journey.
Way to go Tara! I think you are expressing a lot of thoughts and concerns that are valid and normal.
Wanted to say about the piercings, honestly, maybe you won't grow out of it and maybe you will but it does not really matter. We all have our things and surface appearance is just that, surface.
Regarding your concerns on pm, I get it because we have our own issues with it more so now than we did even 6 months ago. From a possible first wife perspective, I have concerns about equality and how we can protect a second legally, financially, etc. These are things every family should consider because it is reality. I think you are smart to consider things that could be an issue and how to overcome them. You know yourself best and that is the first place to start anyway.
I get the religious confusion... well denominational confusion anyway. I don't see LDS and Christians as anything more than different denominations. Ultimately, you just keep going on the path God has YOU on and don't worry about trying to fit into a particular box.
:o) (((Hugs)))
Becca
Ug, LAST one again! :)
Several things I would like to say on YOUR blog :P hehe..Of course, you can always delete it!
First, good for you for getting your fears and concerns out there. It really puts alot into perspective and helps you think things through. Unfortunately, with a blog, we ALL get to think things through with you. I completely agree with you. People will and will continue to twist and turn the bible into what THEY want it to read to justify thier behavior. As daughters of God, we are given the Holy Ghost to discern what is correct and what is not. I, myself, got so tired of hearing all the jibberish on BF, that I signed off. Completely done with the boards. I can't be apart of it. It was chaos to me and a lot of it I was starting to take it personally. I would tell Alex how I was feeling, he also encouraged me to step back and not get on there anymore. Alex has this theory, whatever people say online, chances they will not say it in 'Real Life' So screw 'em. I like that mentality :)
As for the Christian vs. LDS thing, it is confusing and I'm happy to see that you consider BOTH so strongly. But you choose what is right for you. I know a few people that have married into different religions and it has worked. If I were in your shoes, I would consider what I wanted in this life and the next. What I felt when I considered both. Personally, I am so happy with our choices and beliefs, though I am at the place right now, I keep it considerably vague. Alex is much more open then me :)
OK, on to the first wife vs. second wife. I hear you loud and clear. Honestly, I think a wedding is just a show. We didn't have one. We went down to the Justice of Peace and signed away, but I know how you feel. I feel I missed out on a wedding, sometimes. But in reality, it is so much more then exchanging vows. You are entering another family. Wow! That is a huge honor to be considered, nevertheless accepted. I have not attended a 'REAL' ceremony with a second wife marrying a husband, but I attended a little get together and it was super romantic with a cake and pictures and the first wife was present! There were a few friends. I got a little teary-eyed, I will admit. I think it is all in the mind and what you desire. As for the legal portion with the first wife, I think it's just for looks and it means nothing more and nothing less. It's something that needs to be done more for insurance reasons then anything. I know I am a HUGE advocate for taking marriage out of ANY government contract. It is between two people and God.
I think your feelings are feelings that are like a refiners fire. Typical feelings that are in the flesh that will mold you into becoming more Christlike. We ALL experience them :) And I am the QUEEN of them!
Love
Nikki
Tara,
I really like your blog. It's full of great thoughts and thought processes. I am putting together a blog roll for my community (polygamylovescompany.yuku.com) and I wanted to ask your permission to post your link on the application.
I couldn't find an email on your blog, so I hope posting this in a comment is sufficient
Fear.. Fear sucks! While Fear is important, because it keeps us from doing some really stupid or dangerous things. It can also keep us from living, learning and experiencing life.
Any man who would force his wife into Polygamy, is just a creep. Scott got extremely fed up with some of the poly men after reading things in the private men section. He was just appalled at some of them.
As a first wife, I do fear that someday a second might leave and break our hearts. But people worry about that in Mono marriages as well. I don't have those worries with Scott anymore, but I know when we first married I thought what if it doesn't work out? Taking it slow is important, I don't understand the huge rush some people have! When we are talking about forever, it's important to get it right, but someday when it feels right and you've found what's right for you, there will still be fears. Even though Scott and I had been together for more than 2 years, I still had fears on our wedding day.
As far as people judging you... That sucks, the fact that guy would say that about his daughter annoys me. I can't stand when people compare kids, etc.. EVERYONE is different, that should be celebrated! In an ideal world anyway. It is something we try not to do in our home! My mother does it all the time, she has been told not to when it comes to my children.
Glad to find your blog! Hugs, M
My husband and I have talked extensively about when we decide to add a second wife and we both want the relationship to go slow and we both expect a wedding. In fact we're planning our finances for a wedding by the church. It wouldn't be by the state still, but it would be a wonderful ceremony and party. I don't think a woman needs to have a wedding for marriage to be taken seriously but we love the celebration aspect of it and we want the woman to know we take her coming into our family seriously and very happily and the way we want to show that is by having a wedding celebration.
People will make the Bible say anything they want it to say. I do think on a few matters it is important to really know God's heart on it. On other things, like how we dress, what we eat ect. should be treated with acceptance and understanding because as long as it is helping that individual's faith in God and helping them live a better life then I see no harm in it. Keep seeking God's heart in the Bible and trying to see Him and learn from Him as you read.
On LDS vs. Christianity I find they both have the basics of Jesus being the only way to heaven which is the important part. Keep looking into both. If you want to talk more about Christianity my husband and I would love to talk to you more about it.
~Amy
I think there is nothing wrong with our understanding and our will, but we must remember to be in submission to God. Remember Jesus did not want to go to the cross (his will), but then he prayed to God, "Your will be done Father." There is nothing wrong with our will and understanding as long as they are in the right place (subservient to God).
As far as LDS or Christianity, I think you have to follow what is true. Jesus is the truth. Follow him. I think that it is wrong to attach ourselves to anything except Jesus (1 Cor 3 talks about this). As for me I am a Christian. That is enough for me.
As for wedding I do not see any reason for not having one, although many people may not attend who would attend a monogamous wedding. The sad fact is that polygamists are like Jackie Robinson. It is hard on the first ones who are breaking down the cultural barrier. There is no use sugar coating the downside. Maybe it will be easier for future generations.
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