I've noticed that a lot of poly couples do a lot of things that I don't agree with. I also have found that there are some things that SOME people get and SOME people don't. So after over a year of talking with MANY different families, here is what I have found... (and these are just my opinions and expectations).
DOs!
-TAKE IT SLOW.
-Be friends first.
-Get to know the person, not what they do in bed.
-Visit many times before marriage.
-Make them apart of your daily life.
-Skype!
-Get to know their past, who they were before now.
-Ask about the future (wedding ideas, family philosophy, etc.)
-Find out how serious they are.
-Talk about religion.
-Are your wants and needs compatible?
-Are the wives compatible?
DON'Ts!
-Expect anything.
-Rush anything.
-Assume the person/people you're talking with aren't talking to other people, that's how feelings get hurt.
-Expect a commitment right away.
-Have plans about marriage before meeting.
-Put anyone else's business on the internet.
-Compare wives, and expect them to be identical.
-Take things too seriously, too fast. (Most first wives had time to date you, be engaged, and get married).
A friend gave me an awesome idea of moving in with the family, dating the husband (no sexual stuff) and seeing if it's a fit. If not, no hurt feelings, and a lot of problems are avoided.
More than anything, I do NOT like being rushed into anything.
Again, this is just my opinion, different things work for different people :)
4 comments:
EXCELLENT!! This is something I think should be a guideline for any type of relationship! Most importantly are they Saved by the Grace of God and accepted the free gift of salvation given us by the shed blood of Jesus Christ!!!
Great job! <3
It all sounds wise and logical to me.
You are right that most first wives had time to date, be engaged, and get married, so why not get to know other wives the same way. More romantic too which I think most women would prefer.
Wise suggestions, Tara.
Do talk about marriage. What it means. What are the roles, rights, responsibilities, etc.
I think it unrealistic to have no expectations. Everyone is going to have expectations. You should be aware of what they are and what the chances are of them being fulfilled.
Do look at character.
Do look for signs that things might be different after you get married.
Do talk about goals and dreams and try to determine if you fit into each others.
Do talk about children. Are there any now? How will you relate to them? Will there be more in the future? How will they be raised?
Do have a sense of humor and adventure.
Do not expect perfection. No one is perfect. Think about what imperfections you can live with.
If you are a polygamist expect difficulties with society (family, friends, church, etc).
When I say don't expect anything, I mean don't expect a marriage, or expect that they are how they are on the internet,etc. We all have expectations, and all definitely need them, but every person is an individual!
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