Waiting for the Storm to Pass

I don't know if I've ever felt so overwhelmed before. I wonder if I'm even able to get through everything going on. I feel completely alone in everything I'm going through. I know I always have God to lean on, but I need physical help of caring for a child and emotional support to handle it all. I never knew what single parents felt like, but now I'm in their shoes and it's HARD. It really bothers me when people say "welcome to parenthood" or something like that because people don't remember or don't realize that I've had to have my nieces live with me on and off since my older niece was 18 months old. She is now almost 6 years old (next month). Oh, and if I were a PARENT, I wouldn't have to deal with their parents. Not to mention I've been a nanny for 10 years, yes since I was 13 years old and I am fully aware of what kids are like and the struggles that come along with them, but this is not a typical situation. Mimi is a very sweet child, but a very demanding child as well. Not that she demands me to do things, but her attitude needs serious work along with her speech. Her mom, whom I can't stand, probably never talks to Mimi or doesn't make her say what she wants and allows Mimi to point. It's really put her far behind with speech, but the moment she got consistency with me, she started talking a ton more and more clearly. That was one hurdle. I was also placed with the task of potty training her because she was more then ready and no body tried consistently to teach her, until she was with me. She was potty trained in a week, with the occasional accident of course. She did better then I would have ever thought. These were the two main reasons I agreed to keeping Mimi, because I knew I was more than capable of helping with these things. I didn't realize what I was really getting myself into, or maybe I did and I chose not to believe it. Her mom is complete scum, and a lot of people get uncomfortable when I say things like that about her, but it's so true sadly. She neglects all of her kids and it's so sad. I would get into the details, but I'm to emotionally exhausted to go type it all out. She basically doesn't clean Mimi (or any of the kids) and let Mimi stay in the same soiled shirt for 5 days without a bath or anything. My nephew (17 months) doesn't even TRY to talk and usually they have at least a few "words" by now. He also just sits in front of the TV non-stop all day. When I go over there, the TV is never off and he never acknowledges me, but throws a fit when I pull him away from the TV. So sad. It's a miracle he's able to walk really. My older niece started kindergarten this year and she has been struggling. I imagine it's because her parents get her to school late constantly. One time, I had to leave work because her school couldn't get a hold of anyone to pick her up and they were about to call CPS. Deep down, I wish they would have. That's horrible to think too. The point is, is that my step-sister isn't a mother, she's just someone in their life and the person who gave birth. It makes me very sad. Did I mention I'm taking 6 credits, math and a nursing class, and math is my worse subject? I have to re-do the homework over and over and over in order to get all the problems right, and I still feel completely lost. I have my midterm next week and I'm extremely nervous. Luckily though, I only need 4 more science classes after this semester and then I can apply to nursing school. Right now I have a 3.0 so I'm hoping I can boost my GPA even more. These classes are hard to do while working full-time and taking care of a child who needs so much attention and teaching. I often find myself losing my patience because I feel so overwhelmed. Doing homework with a 3 year old feels nearly impossible. It hasn't helped that I've been very sick for 5 weeks, yes 5 weeks. I'm just now starting to feel better thankfully. I feel like if something doesn't change, I won't be able to do this much longer. That's the reality of it. If I were married and had the support, that wouldn't probably make this time much easier. It really puts things into perspective for me and it also shows me that my friends and family aren't nearly as supportive as I thought they were. My mom throws a fit if I ask her to help and I don't even feel comfortable asking anyone else. I thought I could rely on a few people for at least emotional support, but even that hasn't happened. If all of this has taught me anything, it's that I will never have kids unless I am in a happy and committed marriage. It isn't worth dragging a child through the chaos and it's far too stressful for me. I though polygamy would have helped best in this scenario, but now I second guess if that's even true. Things will look-up, they always do. I just need to choose to be patient and choose to stick things out, even if they're extremely hard. -T