Mixed Feelings

Sometimes I think it would be easier to not be able to think so much, to just do and be what is natural and not think twice. I realize this is a silly way to think (that word again) because it is THINKING that gets us to where we wanna go and how we protect ourselves. But today, I don't know what to think. I can't tell if I'm happy, sad, mad, or? I've had a lot of my heart and mind lately, and I'm not sure how to unscramble it and come up with a plan to fix it, because I don't even know what to fix. I feel so lost in life, like the only thing I have figured out is school. I don't know where I'll be living after my lease is up in November, I don't know what job I'll have until I finish school, I don't know when I'll have kids or get married, I really don't like not knowing my future. It makes my stomach turn and I never know what I want. I am way too indecisive for my life! I can't even decide what to eat half of the time because too many choices become available. I know God has a plan and it's all in His timing, but I wish I had more information about my life. I know that I want a good job, kids, a husband, a big family, my animals, passion, health and love in my life. Those are the main goals. Of course I want to travel more, make a change, etc, but I don't feel strong (not sure if that's the right word) enough without a family to back me up and be there for me. I think it's so important for family to support each individual's desires and dreams, even children. I think that dreams are what motivate us and create a meaning for life, other than spirituality. It's not that I feel lonely, because I don't. It's more that I feel like I'm missing something, missing a piece of me. I feel incomplete. I don't know for sure what it is, but when my mind wanders, I think of having kids and a house with lots of animals and singing and dancing and so I am pretty sure that is what's missing. Anyway, just having a heavy heart tonight. :) -T