Life on the Fast Track!

Woah! My life has been so busy lately, I often can't remember what has happened. First off I FINISHED MY CNA COURSE! I am soooo happy and ecstatic about it. I have to say that it was one of the hardest things I've ever done time-wise and mentally-wise. I had zero life and hardly any sleep since I did have to work on top of school. I can only imagine how much harder nursing school will be though. I found myself in a lot of sticky situations during this class. I wasn't getting along with a lot of girls in the class and I couldn't figure out what it was about "me" that made me such an outcast. It was hard to handle at times because I had been yelled at by one classmate, and felt like everyone was against me who was in her circle of friends. I realized, though, that it wasn't me, that it was them. I am not a typical 23 year old and I am extremely compassionate about life, and I don't think they understood me or could relate to me at all. I also don't try to be the center of attention and have an outrageous personality. I'm very weird, often quiet, and very to myself. I also realized that I cared more about being alone than I did about their opinions of me. That's a good feeling to know that I can handle when people don't like me or don't click with me, but I don't like the fact that it can often leave me alone. I think this is why I'm so into family. Family loves, family genuinely cares, family doesn't leave. Well, that's what I want in my family anyway. Of course, since this is a blog about my life and my journey with plural marriage, and plural marriage is all about family to me, I should probably update that. I've been so confused at what to do. I don't know if this lifestyle is for me, but the more I pray about it, the more I realize it is. I realize that I CRAVE (strong word right?) a large family, a sisterly bond, and a good strong husband. I realize that it would be better to raise a family with this lifestyle, I realize that I would always have support through thick and thin, I realize that 3 is not a crowd, and I realize that I would make a better wife in a plural marriage than I would in a monogamous one. Reasoning: I don't like being alone. I think it's better do be with those you love than to be alone. I would rather do day-to-day things with a sisterwife than by myself. I'd rather switch off making dinner. I'd rather support each other in raising kids and taking care of a home. The ONLY two issues that I struggle with, are moving and losing out on my family/friends. I've never lived anywhere but Reno. Ever. I'm so afraid that I will miss out on everything going on with my friends and family by being away. I have to constantly remind myself that my immediate (husband, sisterwife, kids, etc.) would be far more important than people who aren't apart of my daily life. I also know how I am, and once I moved and got settled and felt comfortable, I would feel at home. Losing my friends and family does scare me. I want the things that most women have (baby showers, wedding, birthday parties, etc) and I feel like I could lose out on all of those things by entering a plural marriage. But, they probably aren't worth keeping around if they can't accept my lifestyle since it's not hurting anyone or anything. I've always said that as long as I have my mom, brother, and grandma around, I'll be fine and I know they'll be supportive. I just need to be strong. I feel like if those are the only things holding me back, then it's probably what I should do. Almost like a calling, and I should stop second guessing myself and second guessing what God has shown me and pushed me towards. Anyway! That was so much longer than I had expected, so I should probably stop writing! :) -T