Changes

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged. I guess it's probably because I have been insanely busy trying to get my life in order. August 11th started an entirely different life for me when I took guardianship of my nieces. One really can't know how much work children are until you have them full-time. I have been a nanny for almost 9 years and it's never been this hard. The responsibilities that come along with children can be overwhelming, especially when I'm alone doing it. I think the hardest part is working all day with kids, and coming home to kids as well. I also think not having a yard has been hard as well. It's so cramped and we have nowhere to art or activities because I don't want them to get paint or anything on my roommate's carpet. THANKFULLY (Praise God) my roommate and I are getting a house in December that is 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, with a huge yard. This will give the kids their own room although I won't have guardianship of them much longer. I'm going to talk to their mom about keeping my 2 year old niece for a little longer in order to get her speech where it should be, as well as help get her potty trained. I can't really handle both of the kids at once by myself full-time, so this is a happy medium. I love my nieces so so much, but the reality is, is that I am a one woman circus show, trying to work to live, take care of kids, pay all the bills, take care of the dogs, it's practically impossible.


So much more has changed though.. I left my apartment, sadly, and moved in with a roommate to take care of the financial aspect of taking care of my nieces. Their preschool costs me $240/WEEK. I also am in a relationship. :) It's going very very slow, just the way I prefer it in all honesty. I'm not sure how people meet once and get married, or how people treat monogamous marriages/relationships differently than polygamous marriages/relationships any different. Why not be in a relationship for a while before marriage is even an option? Too often these plural marriages fail, and I think it's due to rushing the relationships. I know that once I DO commit myself to a man for marriage, it is for life, divorce is not an option. I would like to be courted in a relationship for at LEAST a year (preferably more), just like monogamous relationships are, that will allow me to get to know a family so that I know I can be with them for life and jealousy and other negative issues are as prominent. I know that it will happen no matter how much time is taken, but if trust is established and communication stays open, chances are, we will all be on the same page and will be more likely to be successful. This reminds me of all the fears I have about being in a plural marriage. I'm so afraid I won't fit in, that my ways of doing things (cooking, cleaning, etc.) won't be accepted or liked. I'm also afraid that the differences between me and a first wife will cause friction because the way the first wife works with the husband had worked. Basically, in general I'm afraid I won't be accepted for me. I know this is probably just an insecurity, but it still freaks me out. Another fear I have is that my opinions will be inferior when it comes to the house and kids because I will moving into their house, their city, their territory. I don't want to feel like a guest. I'm also afraid a family won't accept my animals or love them the way I do or be patient with the transition. I guess that these are things that need to be talked about thoroughly and come to a mutual agreement before anything serious happened. What I do know is that, I wouldn't be in a situation if I didn't feel loved and didn't think my family would accept me, but at this point, I'm not at that point. ;)

xoxo -Tara