Holy moly. I remember when it was 2000 and I was 11 (the year my dad died) I couldn't even imagine the years being 2010, 2011, 2012, etc. It seemed like they were "future" years and we would have flying cars and robots walking around, but obviously we don't. Just shows how kids have hardly any concept of time. This year I'm going to make it my goal to get school in order and do well and hopefully get the courage to leave my job and find something else that is better fitting. I've worked there nearly 3 years (May 12 will make it 3 years). I love those kids so much, but a person can only take so much.
I've had a lot on my mind lately with everything in my life. I'm just so confused with everything. I am so close to throwing in the towel with polygamy. So far, it's been lonelier than if I were single, and it definitely shouldn't be that way at all. I realize I'm only in a courtship, but it doesn't even feel like I'm in that. I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out for this lifestyle at all. I expect way too much from people with time, communication and friendships in general. I'm trying to hang in there because no one ever said it would be easy, but if it's not going well now, will it get better later? I'm not sure. Praying for guidance for sure.
Anyway, I've been struggling so much with my finances. I hope to get all my debt paid off by 2012. I found out in the past couple of days that I owe between $1,500 and $2,000 in taxes! I'm stressing out a lot about it. I had set aside money to pay, but when I got unexpected guardianship of my nieces and needed to pay for preschool so I could work, I had to use all my resources to pay and that included any money I had saved. Such a bummer, but obviously necessary. Now I don't know what I'm going to do for this years taxes except start to save like crazy and work even more. Scary stuff.
In December I moved to my step-grandma's house. I was regretting it at first when I realized how much work was needed to even have it liveable. The walls were disgusting and needed painting, the floors still need to be professionally cleaned, the cabinets were filthy, there was dust, dead bugs, cob webs in every corner and crevice of the house, it was so much work! It looks fantastic now and I'm not regretting anything, but hope I can stay here for a lot longer than a year because I am SO sick of moving! This move made for my 8th move in 4 years, so I'm over it. The next time I move, I plan for it to be permanent and I plan to get rid of stuff that I don't need or use.
I've decided to go to nursing school. I have about 5 biology classes, 2 math classes, and 2 other classes I need before entering nursing school. It's a long road ahead of me, but I hope to stay motivated and just do it! I want out of the nanny business, and this is the key. It gives me the flexibility to move anywhere, I can choose what type of nurse I want to be, and I will make enough money to stay home most of the time when I have kids. It will be perfect.
That's it for now I suppose. :)
xoxo-Tara
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